EMPOWERING OURSELVES
If you have been raped or sexually assaulted...
Campus Safety and Self Defense
I have not lost the magic of long days.
I live them, dream them still.
I am the master of the starry ways,
A free woman of the hill.
—G. W. Young
Because one in four women on college campuses have been victims of rape or attempted rape, rape is every college student’s concern. In the vast majority of incidents of rape and sexual assault, the perpetrator is male. Men are more likely to be perpetrators and women are more likely to be assaulted. Therefore, in this chapter we refer to the victim as a female.
Though circumstances differ in stranger, date, acquaintance, and gang rape, each is a crime of violence. This violence is motivated by a need to show power over or to express anger against another person. When rape is committed, sex is used as the weapon. Stranger rape, one of the most commonly accepted and feared forms of rape, is committed by a perpetrator not previously known to the rape survivor. However, a Ms. magazine study conducted in 1990 concluded that 90% of rape survivors on college campuses knew their assailants. These statistics show that even though stranger rape is more feared, date and acquaintance rape is actually a greater threat.
Several false myths exist that help our culture ignore date rape. For example:
• it did not really happen (the woman was lying, or just felt guilty afterwards because she had sex)
• women like rape (so there is no such thing as rape)
• yes, it happened, but no harm was done (she was not a virgin, etc.)
• women provoke it, especially through provocative clothing, suggestive words or gestures (men cannot control themselves once provoked)
• women deserve it if they provoke a man
Awareness of date and acquaintance rape is especially important for women on college campuses. Another important statistic from the Ms. study stated that about 75% of men and at least 55% of the women involved in acquaintance rapes had been drinking or taking drugs just before the attack.
All I can tell you is that no one had ever shown any interest in me in high school so when he asked me out, I was excited and happy to spend time with him. He asked me within days how I felt about sex, and I told him plainly that I didn’t believe in premarital sex. I was glad he asked me because I thought it made things clear. Within two weeks, he had forced oral sex and intercourse upon me. Forced? Well, I didn’t blame him then, or think of it that way. But I was clear about not wanting it, I had said “I don’t want to,” more than once, and he finally did not take “no” for an answer.
I was silent throughout several subsequent relationships. Now, I know I dread that feeling of powerlessness so much that I gave up saying “no.” Being silent was easier than saying “no” only to be disregarded and violated; being silent was easier than facing my own powerlessness again. I didn’t understand that was what I was doing; I knew I didn’t want sex, but I didn’t refuse it. I didn’t say no, so wasn’t it my “fault?” It took me years to realize how he had helped to do this to me, how he had wronged me, how he had raped me.
College is a time to explore new ideas and try new things. By educating ourselves about rape and rape prevention, we can gain a sense of control and security.
Understanding the diversity of rape survivors is an important part of helping victims. The ethnicity and sexual orientation of survivors play roles in the way they deal with rape. Furthermore, different backgrounds and attitudes toward victimization in rape influence how and if a woman goes for help.
For example, an African-American woman may hesitate to report a sexual assault and to seek assistance from traditional care-giving agencies for fear that she will not be believed and that she will be treated insensitively because of racist attitudes like: “she provoked the assault.” If the perpetrator was a white man, she may fear a lack of concern from care-givers or violent retribution either from an individual or a group. If the perpetrator was a black man, the African-American rape survivor may hesitate to take official action because she may be reluctant to expose another African-American to racism in our criminal justice system. She may also be viewed as disloyal within her community if she goes to outside sources to handle the matter.
Additionally, if a woman is assaulted by a female partner, she may be reluctant to seek help. Several factors may influence this decision. First, it’s virtually impossible to prove woman-to-woman sexual violence has occurred. Second, many women fear that no one will believe that female/female abuse exists. Third, many lesbians and bisexual women feel that admitting the reality of violence will hurt them in the larger society. As one woman says, “we already have enough going against us”. Another barrier is the shortcomings in services for services for women assaulted by other women.
Rape has the lowest report rate of all crimes and it will take extraordinary effort to reach out to female survivors of sexual assault perpetrated by women. Recognizing the intersections of societal problems (for example racism, homophobia, and sexism) is necessary to fully understand rape survivors’ individual reactions and trauma.
Always watch out for yourself, no matter where you are and who you are with.
— Engineering ‘95
Although it is typically men who rape, women are usually the ones saddled with the responsibility of rape prevention. Unfortunately, there are no guaranteed strategies for preventing rape since every situation is different. However, you can reduce your risk of rape by integrating prevention strategies into your life. The best defense against rape is awareness. Be aware of yourself, your capabilities, and your surroundings. Most importantly, be aware of the fact that it can happen to you and set your own guidelines and standards. Other strategies that may reduce the risk of rape are listed below.
Know that it is always ok to say “no” at any point. Don’t hesitate to assert yourself.
— Arts & Sciences ’97
With a date or acquaintance:
• Trust your instincts and act upon them. If something feels wrong, something probably is.
• Be consistent with verbal and nonverbal messages.
• Mean what you say and say what you mean. Be firm and clear when communicating your limits.
• Be assertive. Often men interpret passivity as permission.
• Stay sober and coherent.
• When going to parties/fraternity houses, make plans with friends to meet at certain times. Keep in contact.
• Feel good about yourself; stay away from those who treat you badly.
• Don’t be afraid to be impolite. If you aren’t sure of a situation, risk politeness and get yourself out.
I guess I thought it wasn’t rape because I never said “no.” I don’t remember much about the incident because I was intoxicated, but I do remember the weird feeling that I had the next day. I felt like I had been taken advantage of because I was drunk and had no control over what I was doing. Then when I was talking to one of my friends about my feelings a few weeks later, she told me that if a woman is unable to give consent, because she is drunk, it is considered rape.
--- Hotel Administration ’97
With a stranger:
On the street:
• Walk confidently and assertively.
• Avoid walking alone at night.
• If you often walk home late, vary your route.
• Keep to familiar, well-traveled, and well-lit streets.
• Let someone know where you are going, what route you plan to walk, and when you expect to be home.
• Don’t wear a walkman or discman. They lower your degree of awareness of your surroundings.
• If followed by a car, turn and walk in the opposite direction. Note the license plate if possible.
• Carry your keys in your pocket where they are readily accessible, rather than your purse or backpack. Avoid putting any form of identification on your keys so that they will not give your address away in case of theft.
• Don’t hitchhike. Hitchhiking places you in the highest rape-risk category.
• Remember to trust your feelings and intuition. Don’t be afraid to run or scream.
• At Cornell, call for a Blue Light Escort or use the Blue Light phones (see Resources)
In your car:
• Keep your car in good running order.
• Keep your doors locked and windows rolled up.
• Know as much about your car’s maintenance as possible. At the very least, know how to change a tire, how to handle overheating, and how to add oil.
• Approach your locked car cautiously with key in hand. Check under the car and its interior before entering.
• If followed or harassed when driving, drive to a safe public place. Do not drive home.
• Honk your horn to attract attention.
• If forced to drive, hit another car.
• Never pick up hitchhikers.
• If someone tries to enter your car, accelerate rapidly and sound the horn. If that is not possible, grab your keys and leave the car immediately.
In your home:
• Keep your door locked, especially while you are sleeping.
• Don’t let a stranger in to use your telephone. Offer to make the call yourself.
• Use your initials rather than your first name in the phone book, on the mailbox, and on correspondence.
• Have locks changed when you move into a new home or apartment. You don’t know who might have a key.
• Don’t reveal personal information over the telephone or let it be known that you are alone.
• Hang up immediately on obscene callers.
• Require delivery people or repair people to show identification.
Remember: Even if a woman does not do these things, the rape is still not her fault. The only one responsible for the rape is the rapist.
IF YOU HAVE BEEN RAPED OR SEXUALLY ASSAULTED
Remember that what has happened to you is not your fault. No matter what you did or how you behaved before and after the attack, you are not to blame for what took place. The assailant is completely responsible for what happened. It is crucial that you seek medical and emotional support to get the care and attention you need to heal from the experience.
1. Call The Advocacy Center Hotline Immediately (277-5000)
Counseling can help survivors of sexual violence deal with problems occurring immediately after the attack and to start the healing process. Many rape survivors report severe depression and feelings of isolation. Because of the seriousness of post-rape or post-assault trauma, survivors are urged to seek professional psychological help as soon as possible after the attack.
2. Get medical care
Medical care after rape is crucial for a woman’s general health and imperative if she wants to press charges. You will benefit from being examined for physical injury and STIs. You may need to discuss options for pregnancy prevention. You can receive medical care from Gannett, the hospital, or a private physician. If you seek care immediately, do not change clothes, douche, or shower. Gannett staff members are available twenty-four hours a day for medical care or referral. Also, it is important to get follow-up treatment. Since HIV antibodies do not show up with testing until three months after exposure, you should be tested for HIV as well as other STIs and pregnancy at follow-up appointments.
3. Call the Cornell Police (255-1111) or Ithaca Police (911)
Reporting a rape or sexual assault is an important part of rape prevention since a rapist rarely stops with one victim. Informing local police does not obligate you to press charges. It is your decision whether to report the crime. There will be no investigation unless a formal complaint is filed. Should you choose to press charges later, a report will significantly increase the possibility of successful prosecution. If the perpetrator is a member of the Cornell community, you may want to talk to the Judicial Administrator to find out what options are available and what campus judicial actions can be taken.
Common feelings after a rape:
• fear of men and of being alone
• guilt and shame, feeling responsible for the assault
• anger
• mistrust
• feeling of worthlessness
• feeling of uncleanness
• moodiness
Common physical responses to rape:
• nightmares
• eating and sleep disturbances
• physical pains and soreness
• loss of sexual interest
HELPING SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN RAPED
Your support can make a big difference to someone who has been raped. Here are some hints for responding in a helpful manner when someone confides in you about a rape:
• Believe the person. People rarely lie about rape.
• Listen to the person and concentrate on understanding her feelings.
• Ask how you can help.
• Offer to accompany your friend in seeking medical care or counseling or in going to the police.
• Remind the person that rape is the rapist’s fault, not hers. The responsibility lies solely with the assailant.
• Don’t ask questions that imply that the rape was in any way the individual’s fault such as Why did you go to his room? or Why didn’t you scream?
• Don’t tell anyone about the rape without the person’s permission.
• Don’t touch or hug the person unless you’re sure that the person is comfortable with physical contact.
• Don’t give advice; instead, help the person explore different options.
• Don’t act in ways that are upsetting to your friend. Although you may be trying to be supportive with phrases like If I could find the creep, I’d kill him, you might upset your friend even more.
From - “Helping a Friend who has been Raped or Sexually Assaulted,” Cornell Advocates for Rape Education
By the age of 18, the lives of one in three girls and one in five boys will experience sexual abuse. Some people deal with their abuse before they get to college, but for others college is the first time they have been removed from their abusive situation and can allow themselves to address it. Other abused persons have suppressed memories of their abuse, and the new environment at college allows those repressed memories to surface.
It can be very difficult to try to deal with past abuse while finding a place in a new environment and adjusting to college life. Some people find it easiest to deal with by first telling a close friend. Others prefer to go directly for professional help. There are several support groups at Gannett or the Advocacy Center (see Resources) that can make this time less painful and can give you other people to talk to. It is often the first step of sharing your story with another person that is most difficult. Once you have someone else that you can talk to about your abuse, it becomes easier to cope.
A woman has the right…
• Not to be abused
• To anger over past beatings
• To choose to change her situation
• To freedom from fear of abuse
• To request and expect assistance from police and social agencies
• To share her feelings and not be isolated from others
• To want a better role model of communication for her children
• To be treated like an adult
• To privacy
• To express her own thoughts and feelings
• To develop her individual talents and abilities
• Not to be perfect
From – Advocacy Center, Ithaca, NY.
When someone mentions an abusive relationship, what’s the first picture that comes to your mind? Often the first situation we think of is a middle-aged couple. The husband is an alcoholic and his wife is too meek and timid to stand up to him. He often hits her when he comes home from a long day at work or from being out with his friends at night. While this situation certainly depicts an abusive relationship, very few actually fit this stereotypical description.
Battering is the single major cause of injury to women. However, physical abuse is only one of the many types of abusive relationships. Other forms include emotional abuse, sexual abuse, economic abuse, intimidation, oppression, and isolation. While the types and forms of abuse are quite extensive, it is also important to realize that the type of woman found in an abusive relationship varies. Women of every race, sexual preference, economic status, appearance, religion, education level, and age are vulnerable to abusive relationships. We are all susceptible.
Types of Abusive Relationships
Emotional Abuse
• Calling names
• Putting the person down—publicly or privately
• Denying the person’s feelings
• Making the person feel bad about him/herself or feel that he/she is weird and different
Economic Abuse
• Taking or using the person’s money or property without permission
• Trying to make the person get or quit a job
• Using money as leverage in making a decision
Physical Abuse
• Causing physical injury to the person (kicking, slapping, punching, biting, pulling hair, burning, hitting)
• Preventing the person from moving
Sexual Abuse
• Making the person feel bad about their sexual feelings
• Threatening or forcing the person to kiss, touch, or have any form of sexual contact
• Taking advantage of a person’s lack of experience
• Making controlling or one-sided decisions in regards to sexual activity
Intimidation
• Scaring the person with looks, threats, a loud voice, violent movements or language
• Breaking things or destroying treasured items
• Causing physical harm to other people
• Threatening to harm friends or family members
• Hurting animals
Isolation
• Making the person feel guilty about spending time with others
• Cutting the person off from their friends, family
• Controlling the victim’s choice of places to go and people to see
• Spreading rumors about the person
• Verbally insulting or ridiculing the victim’s friends
Oppression
• Controlling the person through use of sexism, racism, heterosexism, classism, or ageism
• Using attitudes or beliefs to hurt or oppress a group
These are all types of abusive relationships. No form of abuse is any less serious than another. While physical abuse leaves visible scars, other forms of abuse leave psychological and emotional scars. Treatments and help are available for every form of abuse. Remember: ABUSE IS ALWAYS WRONG!
Understanding abusive relationships
Many times women who are caught in an abusive relationship fail to realize that they are in one until someone else points it out to them. Often the abuser is very good at making the person feel guilty and deserving of abuse. The abuser may try to trap the person by saying things like “I’d kill myself if you ever left me” or “You’re the only person that I have to talk to.” A person who is stuck in an abusive relationship is often insecure and apt to blame her or himself. Abusers also try to weaken the victim by saying things to put them down and to destroy the victim’s self-esteem. They may also try to isolate her or him from their family and friends. No matter what a person does, ABUSE IS NEVER THE VICTIM’S FAULT. There are many ways to work out a problem or disagreement. No one deserves to be abused.
Social workers and violence experts point out a cycle that is common to abusive relationships. It may help us to understand the thoughts and emotions that are involved.
Tension builds as the woman “tiptoes” trying to do everything in her power to avoid “causing” the explosion. After an episode of violence, the abuser usually expresses remorse and apologizes, saying “That was the last time. I promise to change.” Then there is a period of harmony where things go very well until the cycle begins again as tension builds. The periods of harmony may last anywhere from a matter of hours to months.
Incidents of dating abuse and domestic violence tend to become more frequent after the first few times and the amount of time that the harmony phase lasts becomes progressively shorter. For this reason it is important to get help or talk to someone immediately after the first incident of abuse. Do not wait until it becomes a common occurrence before getting help.
Are you in an abusive relationship?
If you are still not sure if you or a friend is in an abusive relationship here are some questions to ask yourself. *
Has your current or former dating partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, or spouse:
• Withheld approval, appreciation, or affection as punishment?
• Continually criticized you, called you names, shouted at you?
• Ignored your feelings?
• Ridiculed or insulted your most valued beliefs, religion, race, ethnicity, class, gender, or sexual orientation?
• Been jealous or harassed you about imagined affairs?
• Manipulated you with lies and contradictions?
• Insisted you dress the way he or she wants?
• Humiliated you in public or private?
• Threatened to “out” you of your partnership if you are lesbian or bisexual?
• Isolated you from your family and friends?
• Taken car keys or money away from you?
• Subjected you to reckless driving?
• Locked you out of your home?
• Thrown objects at you?
• Abused pets or hurt you?
• Controlled all of the family income?
• Punched, shoved, hit, bit, slapped, or choked you?
• Coerced you to have sex or raped you?
• Threatened to kill or hurt you if you leave?
• Threatened self mutilation or suicide if you leave?
• Threatened to hurt you, your children, your relatives, or your friends?
• Stalked or followed you?
*Taken from the Stanford Women’s Handbook
If you can say that one or more of the above applies to you, you are probably being abused. IF YOU THINK YOU’VE BEEN ABUSED, YOU PROBABLY HAVE BEEN.
Once I have realized I am in an abusive relationship what should I do?
Admitting that you are caught in an abusive relationship and taking action to help yourself can be very difficult. However, once these first steps are overcome, it is possible to get the counseling and help that are needed to deal with the situation and discuss your options. There are several phone numbers listed at the end of this chapter that can offer help for a person involved in an abusive relationship of any kind.
If you have been physically abused, get to a safe place first. Next, contact the authorities. If you do not feel comfortable talking to the police, you should talk to an RA, a staff member at Gannett, or a close friend. You can press charges and take the incident to court or even get a restraining order, or try instead to seek counseling and not involve the legal system at all. No matter what the circumstances, no person deserves to be abused. It is never your fault. The abuser is always wrong.
There are many different aspects that may bind a person within an abusive relationship. For someone looking in from the outside, it is often hard to see why the person being abused won’t leave. However, no relationship is easy to end, and abusive relationships are no different. There are several things to consider regarding decisions to stay or leave.
Staying
Staying is always a choice. You may simply want to stop the abuse, not end the relationship. Some women may have tried leaving, but they missed their partner or felt sorry for them. If you decide to stay, the first question you should ask yourself is, “Am I staying because I love my partner and WANT to stay?” or, “Am I staying because I feel guilty and afraid?” If you are staying for a reason that focuses on your partner’s feelings more than your own, you may want to reconsider your rationale. If you decide to stay, there are certain precautions you should take to make things safer for yourself.
Making things safer if you stay
• Use the “harmony” phase (when things are going well) to set up new patterns and roles for yourself in the relationship.
• Try to gain some freedom from the constraints that the abuser might inflict - even though this might be seen as a risk to the abuser.
• Think about joining a support group to talk with women who are experiencing the same things that you are. You may be surprised at how much you have in common with women from different backgrounds.
• Make a secret escape plan, just in case.
• Surround yourself with friends and/or family members who support you and make you feel good about yourself.
Deciding to leave
Leaving an abusive relationship often takes several attempts. As with any break-up, leaving is a very difficult thing. Victims of abusive relationships may want to consult a counselor or a women’s shelter for support and assistance in leaving.
Some important considerations if you want to leave:
• Be sure of your safety. Make sure you have a place to stay-with friends and family, a shelter, or on campus (if you live on campus, talk with your RA or RHD about campus living arrangements).
• Have an emergency escape plan. Have money, credit cards, keys, and important documents ready.
• Plan reasons ahead of time to justify being apart or separated.
• Plan a good time to leave; many times it is unsafe to leave while the abuser is there. Consider leaving during a period of “harmony.”
Once you have left
The first month or two after any break-up, abusive or not, is very stressful. Make sure that you give yourself time to adjust to being alone and to sort through your feelings. There are many support groups and counselors in the Ithaca area that are trained to deal with victims of abusive relationships. They can give you the support and advice that you need after leaving an abusive relationship. It is natural to be quite emotional or have a lack of concentration, and moodiness during this initial time of separation. Give yourself a chance to make it on your own. Many women may try to leave several times before succeeding. Know that if you do decide to go back, the abuse will most likely continue.
If you have decided to leave the relationship but fear that the attacker may stalk you or try to get close to you again, you may consider petitioning for a restraining order (or order of protection). You must have a legitimate reason for such a step; threats and abuse qualify quite sufficiently. The Victim Advocate or Judicial Administrator’s office can provide information about Orders of Protection.
How to help a friend in an abusive relationship
If you think that your friend may be involved in an abusive relationship, it may be hard for you to understand. From the outside, it is easy to say that the person should just leave, but the view from within the relationship is often quite different. For one thing, the abuser is probably not abusive all of the time. He or she probably has many good qualities and the time they spend together is probably made of good times, bad times, and in-between times. The abuser may have “promised” to change. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case, and the number of good times in the relationship tends to diminish as time goes on. No matter how much you want to help your friend, ultimately the decision to leave or get help is up to her. The most important thing for you to do is to stand by her and offer your help and support.
How to help her (or him; we’ll use her for convenience)*
Lend a sympathetic ear
• Let your friend know that you are there for her.
• Let her confide in you at her own pace - don’t push her to tell you more than she is comfortable talking about.
• Be open minded and listen carefully.
• Never blame her for what is happening or underestimate her fear of potential danger.
• Focus on supporting her personal decisions.
Guide her to community services
• If she asks your advice, help her find available services.
• Encourage her to seek outside help.
• Assure her that anything she tells a counselor will be kept confidential.
• Offer to go with her to a counselor or a support group.
Focus on her strengths
• Women in abusive relationships are often put down and ridiculed by their abusers; be sure to give her positive reinforcement since women often hear the put-downs so much that they begin to believe them.
• Help her examine her strengths and skills.
• Emphasize that she deserves a life free from abuse.
Be a friend indeed
• Tell her that you are there when she needs you.
• Offer what ever support you can - transportation, money, shelter, etc.
Confront her with the danger
• It may become difficult for you to continue to support her if she fails to get out, but let her know that not everyone lives with abuse.
• Be willing to confront her with the physical and emotional harm she will suffer if she stays.
• Help her to face the reality of living with an abusive partner.
• Remind her that even a push or shove can result in serious injury.
Help her develop a safety plan
• Encourage her to develop a plan to protect herself.
• Help her think through the steps if her partner becomes abusive.
• Help her make a list of people she can call in an emergency.
• Suggest that she hide a suitcase with clothes, money, important documents, social security card, and personal items.
From National Woman Abuse Prevention Project, Washington DC. “A Guide for Family and Friends.”
One of the most important things to note is that as a friend, you can only do so much. Ultimately, the woman is responsible for herself. It is her decision, and the most you can do is be there to help her. When helping a friend recover from an abusive relationship, your support can be priceless, but in this case, it is also important to remember that there are professionals that are trained to help people recovering from these experiences. Don’t try to take on more than you can handle. Abusive relationships are serious and difficult matters. For many women, a friend’s support can be their key to survival.
What is Sexual Harassment?
There are several forms of sexual harassment. Sexual innuendo and other suggestive comments, humor and jokes about sex or gender-specific traits, offensive written notes or electronic mail, and sexual propositions, insults, and threats are all forms of verbal harassment. On the other hand, nonverbal harassment includes things like leering, whistling, and suggestive or insulting sounds and gestures. A more drastic and direct form of harassment is the physical component, characterized by unwanted touching (e.g. brushing, patting, pinching), kissing, and/or coerced sexual intercourse
The Department of Education’s Women’s Educational Equity Act program estimates that 20-30% of female college students experience sexual harassment while at school, yet only 2-3% ever report the crime to anyone. In 1980, the U. S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission defined workplace sexual harassment as “unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature” when:
1. The submission to such conduct is made either explicitly or implicitly a term or condition of an individual’s employment, or
2. Submission to or rejection of such conduct by an individual is used as the basis for employment decisions affecting such individual, or
3. Such conduct has the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with an individual’s work performance or creating an intimidating, hostile, or offensive working environment.
Sexual Harassment at Cornell
Cornell’s Office of Workforce Diversity, Equity and Life Quality (WDELQ) adds that harassment occurs when it affects academic status or an academic decision, interferes with a person’s academic performance, or creates a hostile learning environment.
I have been sexually harassed by one professor, a faculty member in the office I work in and have found prevalent androcentrism throughout campus. Women’s issues are considered as “other.”
—Arts & Sciences ’95
Specifically sexual harassment occurs at Cornell when a professor or student does the following against your wishes:
• makes comments about your body
• touches or grabs your body
• makes sexual remarks or suggestions
• engages in conversations that you find too personal
• describes pornographic pictures, stories, or sexual jokes
• stares, leers, or ogles
• threatens punishment, especially in connection with grades
Sexual Harassment Myths
MYTH: Sexual harassment is harmless. Women who object have no sense of humor.
FACT : Harassment is humiliating and degrading—and illegal. It undermines college careers. It is not funny.
MYTH: Sexual harassment only happens to women who are provocatively dressed.
FACT : Sexual harassment can happen to anyone, no matter how she is dressed.
MYTH: If the woman had only said “No” to the harasser, he would have stopped.
FACT : Many times “No” does not work. It may be heard instead as “Yes.”
MYTH: If a woman ignores harassment, it will stop.
FACT : The harassment will not usually stop with no response. Ignoring it may be seen as encouragement.
MYTH: Women lie about being sexually harassed, especially for vindictive reasons aimed at attacking the accused.
FACT: This myth carries with it the assumption that women are inherently devious and deceptive. Women do not lie about experiencing sexual harassment.
If you are not sure if you are being sexually harassed:
Go with your instincts. Sexual harassment feels bad. Flirting feels good.
Listen to your thoughts. You are probably being sexually harassed if you are thinking:
• “I hate you for doing this.”
• “Why me? What did I do?”
• “I wish I could get away.”
• “Why doesn’t anyone help me?”
Most importantly, trust yourself.
Dealing With Sexual Harassment
React
• Say NO to the harasser. Be direct and let the offender know you are serious. Let him know that you want the relationship to be strictly professional. If you know others who have had similar experiences, approach the offender together.
• Write a note to the harasser. Describe the incident and how it made you feel. State that you would like the harassment to stop. Keep a copy.
• Keep a record or what happened and when. Include the date, time, place, names of people involved and of witnesses, and who said what to whom.
If the harassment does not stop, discuss it with the harasser’s supervisor of department chairperson, or if you and the harasser are students, go to the Judicial Administrator for assistance.
Some women friends of mine wonder whether a particular situation in which they didn’t like how a man was treating them constitued harassment or abuse. Remember your rights and feel confident about asserting them. If you feel uncomfortable, something IS wrong.
— Engineering (male) ‘96
Report It
Sexual harassment is sex discrimination and therefore illegal. Even if you are not sure that what you are experiencing is harassment, call the Office of Workforce Diversity, Equity and Life Quality, or talk with a trusted staff member (RHD, college advisor, organization advisor, professor). Other resources at Cornell referenced in this chapter can help you deal with the incident on a personal level.
• It is Cornell’s responsibility to take immediate and appropriate action to reestablish a learning environment free of harassment. All inquiries are made confidentially and without disclosing names or specific details.
• Informal mediation can often resolve complaints. Inquiries are appropriate either as a first step in dealing with the harassment or as a continuation of your efforts to resolve the problem yourself.
Formal complaint procedures exist to protect all students, faculty, and staff. You can file a complaint through the Office of Workforce Diversity, Equity and Life Quality or the Judicial Administrator (see Resources). There are harassment advisers in each college. Consult your college’s dean for a current list for your school. They are there to help! Please remember that you are not alone. Cornell is full of people who want to help, no matter what your course of action.
You have a legal RIGHT to an education free from sexual harassment...and don’t forget it!
CAMPUS SAFETY AND SELF-DEFENSE
Cornell has a crime problem just as any other community does. Cornell Police recommends taking some basic precautions to keep yourself and your possessions protected. There are no guarantees but following these guidelines could keep you out of trouble and happy. Just remember this: “A minute of your time...could stop a crime.”
• Lock your door
Theft in residence halls is a problem we don’t like to think about, because it could mean that one of your friends is a thief. However, it is best to lock your door even if you’re only stepping out for a moment; you never know who is on the floor and what their motives may be.
• Don’t leave belongings unattended
If you are studying in the library and you’re going to take a break or go grab something to eat, get a neighbor or friend to keep an eye on your stuff until you come back, or just bring it with you.
• Travel in well-lit areas
Most areas of the campus are fairly well-lit, but there are certainly exceptions. With buildings so spread out, it is best to stick to main thoroughfares at night where someone is likely to be around should you need assistance.
• Register your bike
It’s mandatory, it will significantly increase the chances of return if stolen, and it’s free.
• Mark your property - Operation ID
Anything that is valuable should be marked, and you should keep a record of the serial numbers of equipment like stereos and computers. There is usually an increase in residence hall, house, and apartment burglaries over class recesses. Decrease your risk of loss by taking easily resold items (TVs, laptops, cameras) home with you.
• Leave anything really valuable or irreplaceable, like family heirlooms, at home.
• Park near buildings whenever possible, especially at night.
Dealing with Crime
Don’t always assume that Cornell is a safe place just because it is not in an urban area. Things can always happen.
— Arts and Sciences ‘97
There are a variety of resources available to provide assistance once a crime has been committed, beginning with the Cornell Police Department.
The Cornell Police Department has more than 55 personnel ready to assist members of the Cornell community. The Department’s officers are sworn law enforcement officers commissioned by New York state. They are authorized to investigate complaints of criminal activity and engage in strategies to prevent crimes. The University Police offer the following programs:
University Police Orientation - overview of the Department and its duties.
Crime Prevention Overview - various methods to avoid being victimized.
Personal Security - a discussion directed at prevention of crime against the person.
Rape Prevention - discussion of techniques of preventing rape.
Alcohol Awareness - showing what effects alcohol has on a person and the law.
Bicycle Safety - discussion of bicycle safety and city ordinances.
Winter Driving Techniques - procedures for the safe handling of motor vehicles on snow and ice.
Cash Handling - concepts of effective cash management, primarily designed for retail establishment personnel.
Operation I.D. and Key Registration - two programs offered to all Cornell students, staff and faculty members without charge.
Project Child Finder - fingerprinting of children to assist in identification. Fingerprint cards are retained by parents.
Operation Campus Watch encourages you to report suspicious activity to Cornell Police via a Blue Light phone or by calling 5-1111 on campus, 255-1111 off campus.
Stalking and Intrusive Contact
Your initial image of a stalker might be one of a person in a long black coat that lurks in dark alleys and always manages to be just out of sight. Actually, this is rarely the case. Stalkers are likely to be someone that we know, and stalking is much more than just being followed. If you think that someone is stalking you, it can be a very scary and uncomfortable feeling. The Cornell Police are trained to deal with these situations. New York State Penal Law has defined stalking and related offenses in the following terms:
A person is guilty of harassment in the second degree if he or she:
• Follows a person in or about a public place or places.
• Engages in a course of conduct or repeatedly commits acts which alarm or seriously annoy a person and serve no legitimate purpose.
• While aggravated harassment and menacing are not the same as stalking, they do occur quite often on campus.
A person is guilty of aggravated harassment in the second degree if he or she:
• Causes annoyance or alarm through communication or causing communication to be initiated through means of mechanical, electronic, telephone, mail, or other written form, whether the person is anonymous or not.
• Makes a telephone call (conversation does not have to ensue) with no purpose of legitimate communication.
A person is guilty of menacing in the second degree if he or she:
• Repeatedly follows a person or repeatedly commits acts over a period of time intentionally placing or attempting to place another person in reasonable fear of physical injury or death
If you think you are being stalked or harassed in any of these forms, do not hesitate to talk to the Cornell Police. It is better to be cautious than sorry.
Blue Light System
The Police Department oversees and operates the Blue Light System, which provides security measures for the Cornell community.
Blue Light Telephones
The blue lights dotting the Cornell campus help you locate Public Safety telephones. If you want to report an emergency or need assistance, an escort, or information, just pick up a phone under any Blue Light and you will be in contact with a Cornell Police officer. The exact location of the phone being used is displayed in the Department’s communication center, helping to pinpoint trouble and expedite aid if needed. The phones span the campus and neighboring vicinity and provide a deterrence against crime. There are currently 84 exterior phones to be found around campus and over 260 emergency phones located inside buildings.
Maps of the Cornell University campus designating where Blue Light Telephones can be found are available in the Public Safety office and the Information and Referral Center.
Blue Light Buses
The Blue Light Bus Service operates from 6:00pm to 2:00am, seven days of the week during the school year. It is a free bus service created to shuttle people around campus. Round trips take about a half-hour. Bus schedules are available in libraries, residence halls and community centers, at Transportation Services, the Information and Referral Center in Day Hall, and on the buses as well.
Blue Light Escort Service
You may spot them in pairs on campus, sporting blue vests, carrying portable radios, and wearing Cornell Police student auxiliary photo IDs. They are Blue Light Escorts, Cornell Police student auxiliary members who patrol campus. They will escort you anywhere on the campus proper or Collegetown provided that it is “walking distance”. The Escort Service operates 8:00 pm to 2:30 am Sunday-Thursday and 8:00 pm to 1:00 am on Friday and Saturday nights while classes are in session. You can request an escort by calling 255-7373, by asking an available escort, or by picking up any Blue Light phone. Their radios provide them with instant communication with Cornell Police. Wallet-sized Escort Service cards are also available, and aren’t a bad idea to keep around for nights when you don’t want to walk home alone.
For more information on the Blue Light System, contact the Crime Prevention Unit, Cornell University Police, G-10 Barton Hall, Ithaca, New York 14853, or call (607) 255-7304.
Self-Defense
I am in the self-defense for women course and it has helped me feel empowered and assertive.
— Arts and Sciences ’98
Protecting ourselves means using common sense. There are a variety of self-defense opportunities made available to the Cornell community, but your greatest self-defense is using your head. One would think the crime rate for a campus the size of Cornell would be higher than it is; the campus itself and surrounding areas are surprisingly safe. This does not mean that crime doesn’t occur, and every precaution you take to defend yourself is a safeguard against disaster. It pays to be safe now rather than to be sorry later.